It often occurs to me that where some of us suffer severe trauma because of overt emotional or sexual abuse as children, there are others of us that suffer equally because of more subtle emotional neglect. The same symptoms of trauma occur with subtle neglect as with severe trauma but is unfortunately not readily acknowledged or recognized. Symptoms of general anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsion, are common amongst us who have never learned the gentleness of loving care towards ourselves because of a harsh emotional environment for whatever reason. We already notice the harshness of struggling with obsessive compulsive behavior patterns, severe anxiety and the physical obesity, anorexia or injuries and other medical problems we suffer as a result of not knowing how to take care of ourselves. Obsessive compulsive disorder as well as depression and anxiety issues underlie suppressed anger. The neglected child part in us that never had a voice becomes anxious and depressed because they are unaware of their own anger about not being emotionally acknowledged. I see so many people accept subtle emotional abusive behavior from their spouses or friends because they feel unworthy of consideration because of the suppressed anger and inability to acknowledge them self. It is important to start by giving yourself a voice by hearing yourself first and attending to your own inner self.

A general lack about emotional nurturing that also extends to physical, intellectual and spiritual nurturing is widespread in our society, resulting in a lack of an intuitive ability to eat the right food, exercise in the right way and take care of ourselves emotionally. Our parents could have been preoccupied with surviving life or struggling with their own neglect and not be capable of attending to our emotional nurturing, or could have been part of an uninformed cultural attitude about emotional and general nurturing. We treat our symptoms even harsher by only relying on medication and surgery without attending to the underlying neglect of tenderness and regard for the appropriate origin of the symptom. To recover the lack of proper nurturing we need to nurture and attend to our inner voice for the emotional reasons of out symptoms as well.

Relationship problems follow early emotional neglect too because we now project the need for nurturing onto our partners and friends. We might even overcompensate for our unconscious neglect by over protecting our children and create a self-centered next generation. I truly hope that is not the case, but I do believe that we need to be aware of our ability to nurture our self and others appropriately in a collective healing process.

©Jayni Bloch

9 thoughts

  1. How very nice of you to share this story of someone you know, Maren.

    Yes, I have found that very sensitive people respond in two possible ways to subtle or not so subtle emotional deprivation. They either lash out on others with unconscious anger and frustration or are fearful to please others rather than themselves. This response can again be obvious or concealed.

    The heart-wrenching story of the lady you talk about explains how the essence of a deep-seated despair develops about not ever been accepted, acknowledged or supported for her left-handedness. It turns her true self and her potential into an excruciating anxiety that falters life. Her confidence is shattered and she is unable to manifest and develop or share her talents with the world. The emotional anguish continues as she perceives the same theme of subtle emotional abuse continues in her adult life as in her childhood, but in unexpected ways. The circumstances are different but the theme is the same.

    It is soul-destroying for a left-handed child to experience such brutal force into right-handedness. Her spirit is suppressed. Even today as an adult in different circumstances she still feels that there is something wrong with her and that she will always fail, no matter how hard she tries. She is functional without the anxiety but the moment her mentor’s forceful attitude about doing things a specific way triggers her anxiety, she freezes. Then she doubts herself. The child part in her still perceives others as holding power over her. In her mind, others decide if she is good enough or not, because of the original relentless emotional treatment she experienced.

    The emotional pain she suffers indicates where to start with the healing process. Remember the pain or the symptom leads us to, and is the indicator for what needs to be healed. Every time she feels this anxiety in her body and then the self-doubt in her mind, she can tell herself that she loves and accept herself anyway, no matter what happens between her and others or how they force her to be not who she is. She takes charge of nurturing herself with self-talk and self-care. She tells herself that even though her manager pushes her to know and do, and even though she feels anxious about knowing and doing, she takes a deep breath and allows herself to know and do in her own time and her own way. She supports herself to do this like she would a child of her own.

    Practice this unconditional self-nurturing and see how it helps to change the brain pathways to respond in new ways to life.

    Thank you for the touching story.



  2. Namaste’ Jayni and thank you dear friend for reserving a seat, At the Table !! I am also grateful to know of your blog as well ! Have a beautiful journey as you create Magic💖


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s