I sometimes feel like a sheep, prey for those who are ruthlessly striving for self-interest, when I get myself in the middle of conflict and innocently trying to help! What happens when the person or people you want to discuss the conflict with, have no interest in solutions, except to force their own agenda on others. Our internal anger and fear close our minds to negotiation. Unaware of doing so, we are not open to hearing any other opinion but the assumptions of our own inner story when we have not dealt with those.
What is the lesson for me I wonder? If the principle of life teaches that the obstacles I experience in my circumstances live in my own mind, then why am I confronted with an awareness of a need to solve the conflict between others and myself and even between unknown other parties?
Maybe this is exactly the point…I cannot solve conflict on my own. Everyone involved in the particular conflict need to want to solve it. I can only participate in solving conflict with those who are willing to communicate openly, vulnerably and honestly. When we all show a willingness to move past conditioned ideas or assumptions, born from fear and self-centered desires, we can grow together in understanding and cooperate. If not, I will have to remove myself from the conflict to peruse constructive and creative activities.
Here is what I have learned and try to apply to myself when it comes to conflict:
- Stop putting your energy into the ones who drain your emotional vitality. It does not go anywhere.
- Be firm, focused and breathe positive and objective ideas into your life.
- Avoid a false reality of assumptions that live in your head about a situation; they feed old patterns that hold you prisoner and poison relationships.
- Learn what you can from conflict by keep an objective stance. See how the circumstances guide you in changing yourself and your internal attitude.
- It in unnecessary to tell others what to do, even though you can clearly see what will help. They need to discover the answers themselves. Let them do their own work and stay neutral.
- Do not listen to people who fume the conflict. Choose wise counsel in people who supports empathy, resolution and who help forge understanding. Sometimes, you will have to move away form those who want to pull you into conflict without the slightest ability or desire to converse. Move out of the range of fire until they are ready to do their own work.
- Exercise courage to stay calm and keep on breathing new life and clarity by keeping out of conflict.
- Only open up when everyone involved is willing to be humble, vulnerable and honest in discussions.
- Resign your own fear, responsibility to be a peace keeper, good person or the need to be accepted through compromising yourself.
What do you think?