Remember when in previous generations parents were very hesitant to make a fuss of their children’s talents or qualities…. they were wary of kids becoming arrogant, but instead most children of that time suffer a lack of self-worth. On the other hand, parents who make a ‘big deal’ of their kids, suffer a sense of entitlement which can edge on arrogance.
How do you feel about yourself and how do you feel about the world around you? Are you timid or arrogant or do you oscillate between the two?
How do we heal our lack of self-worth if we are one of those who suffer that ail, and how do we correct our sense of self-importance? How do we reach a balance concerning the polarity between self-worth and arrogance in our attitude towards our children and also within ourselves?
Interestingly these two attitudes intimately relate with each other. Let’s first investigate where these feelings come from before we look at possible healing strategies. Our mind always wants to find the logic before it relents to the healing strategy.
A lack of faith in one’s own worthiness can manifest as arrogance at times other that the obvious feeling of inferiority, not being good enough and hopelessness. Arrogance becomes a compensation for a lack of self-worth when the slightest elevation in our achievement leads to a sense of power that triggers the dark side of our desperate need for acknowledgement. Unconsciously, this arrogance is a manifestation of the angry child-side within us for not being acknowledged. Our child-side acts out a deep unfulfilled need for importance by becoming rebellious. This attitude might look like anger outbursts and tantrums towards others, or it might look like plain outright disregard for others; a form of conceit. The anger the child-side feels are projected onto others and the child blames and tries to hurts others.
Our child-side can be angry with others or even with ourselves because we actually treat ourselves like we have felt treated when we were children. We then think that others treat us that way but it is in reality us that are doing so, internally.
Maybe the child-side experienced a hostile environment in some way or other, or maybe was unable to perceive one or both parents’ love and acceptance. These conditions are not the cause of the self-worth problem, but the first experience of an archetypal pattern of ‘rejection’ that the Soul is destined to heal.
The child-side that suffers the alternative attitude of inferiority and hopelessness relies on others to ‘save’ them, and make others responsible for their happiness. They become dependent and needy while they blame and make their loved ones feel guilty for being independent.
Do you recognize yourself in one or both of these attitudes?
Ultimately, as adults, we need to acknowledge ourselves, or rather the hurt child within us. We need to treat ourselves the way we imagined a perfect parent would, by accessing true unconditional love towards ourselves. We become parents to our inner child as we are to our physical children, without repeating the hurtful and destructive emotional patterns that we encountered in our history. Practicing unconditional acceptance and acknowledgement, heals. Rather than projecting the feelings of wrongdoing onto others, accept the task of holding your child-side close to your own heart with acknowledgment and Love.
Now, with your biological children….love them and appreciate them by separating their behavior from their personalities. You can challenge their behavior without demeaning their character. This attitude will instill a sense of emotional and coherent direction in them while they maintain their self-worth. Our children give us the opportunity to practice healing principles that we need to apply to ourselves. I have also found that people who do not have children but animals can do the same. As they love their animals, it reminds them to apply unconditional love toward their inner child.
Unconditional Love and Acceptance is accessed on a Spiritual level and you have to find how that works for you. You have to find something bigger and higher than yourself (your ego) in sacred concepts perhaps or in Nature, that supports the notion of Unconditional Love.
Be well and enjoy 2014