It is in the twilight hours that I feel most connected to Truth. This morning I realized that generally, we all live through experiences blindly; drunk in the darkness and pain of what it’s all about…and only long after the fact, wake up as if after a long sleep, to understand, in the freshness of maturity, the answer of why events had to happen the way it did. That is how I experience it anyway.
I also realize that trauma is persistent. This I observe in myself and also in my clients. It follows us in the mud-bed of our soul where we do not realize it lies. There it waits, to sprout out like weeds when the time come; when the buried memory is re-awakened by associations of the incident or person involved with the trauma. Over and over again we confront the demons of crisis, layer by layer over time, until there is nothing left of it. As the peeling opens dimensions of feelings, there are also insights revealed that stays with us; turns the pain into compost, and our life flourishes from the richness of meaning found in these experiences.
It is somehow needed to go blindly into traumatic experiences, otherwise we will not want to participate in the learning. It’s too painful to willingly expose ourselves to trauma. Who will want to do that? Most of us think we never had a choice in the first place about avoiding trauma. It just happens, does it not? The fact is, that we need to be ‘innocent’ to attract the trauma in the first place. It is still part of our destined experience to learn from it. And, there are many roads to choose from, in how we manage our lives because of our traumatic experiences. But which of those choices we are able to make is beneficial to our development and overall healing?
As my mind reminisce over the past, I realize just how many ways I could have dealt with a situation, but somehow what I decided at the time, worked out perfectly for my growth. How did I know what to do? There must have been some sort of decision making ability in my soul, guided somehow by intuition, logic or a combination of the two. Or what might have given me the insight to make the choices I did? Sometimes it felt as if I was stepping off a cliff into the darkness; no guarantees whatsoever about the outcome of a choice, and yet, it all worked out perfectly in the end.
The thing that I feel was the true compass in my life, are ‘principles’ that sustain healthy life and relationships. These guiding principles are bedded in basic, universal, spiritual truths, as I see it; principles that are life supporting and sustain life for everyone. These principles need to be contemplated very truthfully without the interference of egotistical or survival needs. I usually also pray for objectivity and guidance from my Higher Self. For example, when I feel disrespected and treated without regard by anyone, I will contemplate and question myself about my own responsibility in that scenario, and if I honestly did not contribute to the receiving of disrespect, I leave that situation or people, to attend the company of those who do regard me, and I them. The principle of respect is vital for healthy living and relationships all round. It is important to honestly investigate my own agenda and intentions, especially those that lies in my subconscious mind. Sometimes it takes time to become conscious of my shadows, but decisions cannot work out if I am not conscious of my truth. Another example of a principle to always consider, is honesty. When sincerity in relationships goes out the window and pretence is the order of the day, I feel a discomfort that urge me to flee. The ability to communicate and solve conflict through genuine intention to understand and regard, is also vital for healthy living. The ability to adjust, change and grow is another such value and principle vital for healthy living.
In the times when I was blinded by unconscious needs to belong, I got involved with people who deceived me. But there is more to that story too. The complexity of youth, is exactly about not knowing oneself consciously and experiencing painful circumstances and relationships in order to discoverer the truth about oneself and have confidence about one’s true personality. Losing my innocence in expecting all people to be ‘good’, was a teaching in consciousness. I learned the necessity to be conscious of my own unconscious needs and fears as well as to recognise those in others. Just as I discovered my unconscious motives and needs, I realized that other people have them too. That complicated matters quite a bit, because as difficult as it is to be honest and conscious of oneself, one now has to know whether the people you deal with does the same. If they do not have the same consciousness of themselves as I have, they might not even know that they are hurting anyone. Their needs and defences come from an unconscious level of intentions; their defences may be activated to lie, deceive or pretend what they are not, and this can be a major barrier in relationships.
This is where principles become helpful guidelines. The principle to trust your senses is paramount. When you feel something is wrong in a relationship or circumstance, it usually is. Trust yourself. The principle of discomfort having meaning, can help find and discover a hidden unconscious understanding for growth and healing.
Even though I have not specifically numbered and named the principles that I live by, I want you to do that for yourself first. I gave you clues to discover them for yourself, so you will think, contemplate and observe your inner world to see them clearly inside you. That is the idea. Think of how your values become principles to live by that enhances your own life, as well as all others around you.
Now back to trauma. Trauma revisits, to trigger you back into innocence and the sensation of pain that goes with the waking up of innocence. We fall asleep again and again and need to be shaken awake again and again to regain our consciousness. That is the human condition. Reminding myself of what I have learned and why it is important to remember those lessons and how it helps me in life, heals the trauma a little deeper every time it surfaces. Post-traumatic stress can be reframed into a meaningful process when meaning is derived from trauma. Repetition is how we humans process. Give your suffering perspective and do not give it power over the purpose to grow as a human being.
Love and Blessings,