As I turned on my side in the darkness of my bed, ready to embrace a welcome sleep, I felt the weight of a hand touch my side. It was a supportive and consoling touch. For a moment I took in the sensation of comfort, knowing that no physical person was present in the room, that it must be someone diseased who is close to me. My spider-senses searched the ethers for recognition of some kind that will give me knowledge of who was visiting me. Spontaneously I uttered the words “hello Mommy”. Her touch felt warmer and a tiny bit heavier on my side and then slowly faded as I fell into sleep.

Ever since I was a child I would wake up in the morning when the tiniest ray of light emerged through my darkened room. My bedroom was yellow, a choice my parents gave me. I am still like that today; sensitive to the slightest of light rays that will wake me from sleep.

The softest minutest indication of light woke me in the very early morning. I thought of my latest artwork ‘Dawn”, a free motion quilt of a watercolour painting I printed on silk. I finished it last night. It is very yellow. I like it a lot, because it reminds me of this kind of morning where my consciousness is on the edge between darkness and light. That is the time of transition between the worlds of unconscious and consciousness, where I am most aware of Life. It is a time between the past and the future, right in the absolute aware presence. It brings me to such clarity where poetry meets realism, my ancestral self meets my future self and I feel completely alive with knowingness.

The yellow in my art-piece is a colour of death and new life. Just as in my art-piece, the moment is fragile, yet full of potential; the trees are thin and vulnerable, yet the leaves are strong and vibrantly ready to grow. The tulip bulbs are just breaking ground, yet ready to blossom their colours. The sun is rising with an overwhelmingly bright yellow light, as it appears from the dark night, yet it is not blinding. I appreciate this small conscious moment, because the light soon changes into full sunlight that fades my awareness of the intensity of darkness and night, that place of unconsciousness of other dimensions.

The consciousness given in these moments are unexpected and surprising, just as if they sprout from a source of wisdom in the Universe and a higher vibration that connects to my humanness.

After the visit from my mother last night, I realized that my Soul family may be people I relate to but also is still my earthly family. Even though many of them have departed, like my parents, siblings and others, my Mother and Father still visits me and care now more than ever before. They can truly see me now. Those who are still alive here with me are also important. Every human I am in touch with are important, no matter who they are, whether I like them or not. Or whether they like me or not. We affect each other and that is ‘family’.

My ‘family’ is everyone I encounter on this earth. Family are not people who necessarily make my life easy of understand me, or even like me.  They may be people who challenge me or disrupt my life violently and uncomfortably. Some family may be supportive, and some may challenge me to grow and evolve. I can choose whether their attitude and behaviour towards me will break me down or use it to grow. That does not mean that I have to be in their company always, but everyone affects my evolution in some way that I choose. I hope to be conscious enough to choose my challenges as helpful for my growth. Family do not always recognise their role as challengers; their tasks are sometimes completely unconscious, just as mine may be. Even the best intentions sometimes turn out to be challenges to others as may be in my case too.  

This brings me back to my artwork. Let the ‘Dawn’ of each day enlighten you and me with real growth and awareness of how we connect to each other (alive or departed ones) and how to move forward, emerge, each day with some part of ourselves budding with new consciousness and constructive life action.

My art piece also makes me think of the current state of our world. Is there a ‘dawn’ breaking after Covid, or are we still chained by our own dark unconscious underworld unable to reach an understanding of what, why, and how to handle this challenge? Are we listening to our deepest soul and higher vibrational wisdom as a humanity, for surprising new answers and awareness of how to evolve through this challenge, or are we complaining and judging everyone around us for our situation? I hope we will use this time to reach a ‘Dawn’. Let us wake up with illumination about a new way of cooperating and evolving our human relationship challenges, so we can emerge into constructive growth together as an interrelated humanity.

Love and Blessings,

Jayni

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